I've always wanted to write. My earliest memories are of me sitting in a corner with a tablet and pencil; doodling, and just writing down whatever came to mind. I just felt a need to express myself and get my feelings off my chest. I've found most people can respect and accept honesty if it's given at the onset! Otherwise, you don't have any credibility or respect. That's always been my mantra: "Keep it Real, Keep it Honest." Thus, those of you that follow my ensuing posts will find to be my trademark and hopefully enjoy my musings.
I am somewhat depressed right now. My maternal grandmother passed around this time last year. Actually, the Sunday before Thanksgiving 2007. Me and both my sisters were on our way home to visit grandma, ma, and pops and attend church services.
When we topped the hill coming into Harlem Heights and came within view my parents' house, we saw an ambulance sitting in the yard! Immediately red flags went off in my head and I knew that my gut feeling was indeed right; granny had passed on!
I was so distraught and just numb to the whole turn of events. I did not want to accept the fact that my grandma was no longer suffering and was now with GOD. I was not ready to let her go and still to this day, a year later, I am still so saddened and hurt by the whole thing.
She loved me like no other person in this world, even more than my mom in my opinion. She accepted me wholeheartedly and without fail completely from my birth. She was my rock and my best friend. She understood me and loved me unconditionally. She made me feel comfortable in my own skin and she would not allow anyone to make me feel any different in her presence.
I so dearly miss her beautiful soul and inspiring spirit. She was always upbeat and passing out pleasantries to everyone around. She always wanted to make others feel good about themselves. She was the p0ssitivity the whole family needed and the glue that held it together.
That just pisses me off too! Yesterday, November 27,2008, Thanksgiving Day we could not get together for a simple family meal. My mother, my auntie, and two of the four uncles were able to spend a little time together yesterday. I was happy for that, but the vibe just wasn't the same with Ophelia!
I found myself overcome with a heavy heart and I shed many tears in the midst of my family. They were all eating and socializing and I was on my mom's black leather sectional boohooing like a baby. I could not control myself, I was hurting all alone in a house full of people. I'm not mad or upset, but just bewildered by it. A couple of folks asked me if I was ok, but that was about it. Wow, but put the shoe on another foot. I would have been there to make sure my peeps was really good emotionally because everyone deals with loss differently. We as family are supposed to make sure all is good with each other. Granny's gone now and that's not happening no more.
When Ophelia B. Tyson was alive and well our family was the shit! She was always a lady, a servant of GOD, a community leader and organizer, a model citizen. When my granddaddy died, she basically completely dedicated her life to her family. Yes her family, she never remarried or really dated. She was dedicated to our families livelihood at all times. I was taking notes all the time, obviously I was the only one. She would be disappointed with that I know. She set a better example than what we are portraying as a whole. Anyway, that's another reason why I miss her and my heart is a little heavy for selfish reasons. I truly thank GOD for allowing her to rest now. She deserves a break from taking care of everybody else.
The food was okay on turkey day too. I really enjoyed my auntie's potato salad, my moma's greens, mac n cheese, and dressing and my sisters' numerous contributions as well. Everyone else just basically came by and ate. I made two pound cakes from scratch for our family. I made a sour cream pound cake and an orange creme pound cake. Everyone really seemed to enjoy them and I was glad. That was one of the biggest highlights for me because I felt my granny's presence when I was baking. She was the bomb in the kitchen until her health failed. I remember always watching her at work in the kitchen and taking mental notes about recipes and such. I love preparing food for others and have been told that I put "love" in my food because of the pleasantness of my preparations, just like her.
I know where the ability and skill came from; grandma. She was a natural teacher. But she was also so humble and meek. She was a strict disciplinarian and lover of GOD and instilled this in her children and grandchildren and all the neighborhood kids too. She was the truth, not perfect; but the truth. I miss you sweetie, and I thank you for all your life lessons. I know you are resting now and I want to make you proud. I just need your guidance spiritually to keep me on the straight and narrow because it's so easy to stray and lose sight of the matter at hand.
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